Monkey See, Monkey Do!

I'm not gonna lie. Lauren started a blog, I want one too!

So here's the deal: Being a cable guy takes me into some "interesting" homes and situations. Every once in a while something happens that I think the world should know, and that's what MY blog is going to consist of. And don't worry, if you happen to be the person I'm talking about, names will not be provided. I wouldn't want your neighbor to stumble upon my blog someday and say "Hey, I live next to Joe Blow at 123 Any Street....I can't believe he has a telescope aimed at my bathroom window!"

Whenever I come home with one of these doozies, Lauren always says: "You should write a book", but I don't know any publishers, and writing a book seems like a big task for me....so a blog was a good starting point. You're not gonna get my best stories in post #1...that's not how I roll. But maybe I'll whet your appetite with something kind of strange....something that will make you say "Man, he sees some weird stuff!"

PS - Stories will NEVER be embellished for dramatic/humorous/gross-out purposes. These are my stories, and they are 100% true!

This story starts the same way ALL cable guy stories start: "I was at this call the other day, and....". Seriously. You can be at the shop at 7 in the morning, and before 7:12 you will hear this phrase at least a dozen times. Also: "...the other day..." is a time period roughly equivalent to the period of time from the cable guy's first day, up until yesterday. So, without further delay:

I was at this call the other day...It was about 9am on a weekend morning, and I was knocking on the customer's door. As always, the peephole in the door goes black as they look through it to see my very official "SHAW - PEOPLE POWERED" shirt before opening the door. Then a couple latches un-latch, and I get my first glimpse of the customer: an older man, maybe 60 or 70 years old, in his purple bathrobe, glasses, and some crazy just-woke-up hair goin' on. Not unusual attire for a weekend morning, probably sitting at his dining room table, eating breakfast, sipping coffee and reading the newspaper. I introduce myself, confirm he is who he says he is, and confirm what I'm there to do. Today we're hooking up a digital cable box for the customer. Simple, in-and-out call, 15 minutes tops, and that's with a quick demonstration. So I set up the equipment on his account, kneel down behind the TV, hook up everything I need there, come back to the front and as I go to hook up his VCR, I have to move his collection of about 40 VHS tapes.....40 'ADULT ENTERTAINMENT' VHS TAPES. Staying strictly professional, I move them aside and continue to work...all the while feeling his stare coming from the couch. Is he embarrassed? Nope. Did he not think I would have to do something to his TV to hook everything up, and maybe should move his porn collection? Nope. Needless to say, once everything was hooked up, it was the fastest demonstration I have ever done, out the door and didn't look back.

That was very early in my cable guy career, and at the time I remember thinking "Man, this is weird". But it only got worse. Over the next couple years, more and more weirdness continued to happen....people I couldn't even dream existed....stuff that I couldn't possibly make up......stuff that you're gonna have to wait to read!

I'm also told that most bloggers end their posts with something original, something to make their blog unique. So, as I will do with all posts, here's a picture of my Son doing something cute/funny/ironic!