Customer: "Good Morning, Mr. Shaw"
Me: "If my name were Mr. Shaw, I would be somewhere warmer right now"
Customer: "Oh, you need to go to the basement?? I'm so sorry about the mess down there"
Me: "Oh, don't worry about that. I haven't even seen it yet, but I can guarantee I've seen worse."
Customer: "I've had it with (Telus/Bell/Rogers), ever since they (insert bad customer experience here)
Me: "Oh really? That's the first time I've heard that today, but it's not even noon yet"
And probably my favorite
Customer: "So with the PVR, if I forget my show was on yesterday, can I still watch it today?"
Me: "No, unfortunately, it's a PVR...not a time machine"
(I can't take all the credit for that last one, it was actually a friend-of-a-friend that dropped that nugget.)
So after hearing about erratic-housecoat-wearing-porno-grampa from last week's entry, I bet you think I come across some really strange people. And the answer, of course, is YES...yes I do. And here is a tribute to some of them:
Mr. Let Me Ask My Wife - No matter how minute the detail, you can bet he's going to pick up the cell phone at least 3 times during my visit. "Honey, do you want the Cable Box on the top, middle or bottom shelf of the TV stand?"
Mr. Wanna Make $50 Guy - Generally found closer to downtown, and in less desirable neighborhoods. Doesn't understand the concept that if I get caught hooking up his cable illegally, I'm gonna have to live on that $50 until I find a new job.
Mr. My Buddy is A Cable Guy - Friends of mine that will tell other friends and co-workers, "Call my buddy, he'll hook you up!" Now, I won't lie; when approached properly I don't mind this guy, as long as it's not assumed that I have nothing better to do than spend 5 hours wiring your friend's house for every single situation that might come up.
Mrs. Micro-Manager - She's probably married to Mr. Let Me Ask My Wife. She will ask you exactly how long you will need to hook everything up, because she has to drop her daughter off at soccer practice and pick little Jimmy up from piano lessons and she has to leave in 47 minutes and waited 8 days to get this appointment in a time slot she didn't really want. The Modem goes on the desk between the pen cup and the Troll collection. Not on the floor, not behind the monitor, thank you very much! And do you have any black cable? I don't like seeing the white behind the shelf.
Mr. Shadow - He doesn't know what you're doing, why you're doing it, or even if he wants you doing it, but dammit, he's going to follow you around every square inch of his house! You stop to do a little work...you can smell what he had for breakfast. Climb under a desk to hook up a computer, and there had better be room for 2! Possibly the most annoying customer.
Mr. & Mrs. Our Appointment Isn't Until 4 - I'm running ahead of schedule at 10am, I was driving past your house and noticed the cars were home. If you have time I will take care of your call right now. But you want me to come back in 6 hours. When I drive by (again) 3 hours later, cars are still there. Arrive at 4pm, cars are gone, no answer at the door. I call you, and you say you just stepped out for a moment, you're around the corner and will be right there.
Mr. Please Arrive After "X" O'Clock - His call is booked from 12-5, but he doesn't get off work until 3. "Please come after 3pm" is written on the work order. If I'm having a bad day, you can be sure I will stop by at 12:15 and door-tag your ass! This monster is created by bad Customer Service reps who took the request in the first place.
Mrs. Techno-Illiterate - A customer actually asked me yesterday: "What's my internet name?" It stunned me for a minute until I realized she was asking about her email address. Before I could respond, she must have saw the confused look on my face and said: "I used to be thesmiths@telus.net". I reply: "Oh. Now you can be thesmiths@shaw.ca, but you have to go online and create an email address for that. She said she would take care of that later. I'm sure she's still searching the keyboard for the 'Any' key. And before you accuse me of age-ism, I think she was about 45 years old. Seniors are a different case. It's not their fault that they grew up talking to other people, and actually leaving the house to socialize, instead of texting and Facebooking.
Wow, I apologize for this turning into a bit of a rant.....guess I need these next few days off more than I thought! The next time you hear from me, I will be another year closer to the Big 3-0. Birthdays used to be cool, now they're a reason to take a day off work and eat cake and have a few glasses of wine. Yeah, you're right...that's still pretty cool!
As always: Cade being the cutest kid on Earth. We took him to Heritage Park last winter, and he slept through everything after the hayride.
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